the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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