I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
