she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
