the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
