it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
as a side note pls kill me
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
