we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
