I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
