the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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