Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
