Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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