How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
it glows. i had to have it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
