you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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