Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
