i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
