Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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