A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
