I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
