Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
