3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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