last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
