i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
