theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My dick has a subreddit
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
