All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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