9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
