fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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