some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
