How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
