Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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