When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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