They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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