I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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