Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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