If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I will pee on everything he values.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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