When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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