dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
