I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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