my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
