I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
