My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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