He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
