drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
