i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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