My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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