My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
