Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
