Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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