"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
