tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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