I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
