I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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