We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My ATM looks so different sober.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Two words: nipple clamps
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