My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
