i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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