He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
